


Be mine

by hardcoreshipper34



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut, Top Eren Yeager, eren moping, they'll get together in the end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29270001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardcoreshipper34/pseuds/hardcoreshipper34
Summary: Eren thought it as fruitless to go after Levi, yet Levi awaits.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Kudos: 18





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! this is my first time writing angst, so feedbacks would be very much appreciated! thanks for reading.

Eren Jaegar wasn’t a liar, never had been one. So when he was asked about liking Levi, he had turned away, partly in shame. However, his answer would be the exact opposite around three years. 

‘People changes with age,'' Armin had spoken the words to him a few weeks ago after getting a confession and a cryfest from Eren. Right before Armin had spoken the words, he had beaten himself up for liking Levi, Levi was leagues away from him. Yet, Armin gave him a small smile and a pat on his own shoulders. 

Even after the talk, Eren still felt heavy. His heart still felt heavy, he felt such shame for wanting Levi, for wanting to fuck Levi, for wanting to hear his moans spilling from his mouth. That night, he had jacked off with some shame lingering in the back of his head. 

However, the jerking off wasn’t one time thing, it had happened more than he’d like it to happen. His body kept reacting to Levi, his own captain, he truly couldn't help it. Levi was beyond sexy when it came down to his own methods to clean, his ways of slaying the titans down, especially when he was fighting against other humans for Eren’s own sake. 

He had been caught more than once while he was jacking off by his friends, and his friends hadn’t let him live it down just yet. Even if Eren begged them to stay quiet about it, especially when Levi was around. Yet, Jean kept finding the worst timings to mention it. 

His heart pounded louder and louder, his pulse had become too loud for him to be able to hear anything else. Yet, he could see Jean’s mouth forming ‘Eren,’ and ‘Jacking off,’ quite clear crystal. And that was enough for him to topple over the fine line of anger. 

Just yet, his mind remained clear enough to register Levi’s grey eyes watching him, analyzing him to see what he would do next. With that in the mind, he flipped Jean off and stormed from the table. 

The table was silent for a few moments, as if Jean had finally gone silent. Only to stifle his groan as Jean yelled his insult over the loud noises in the dining hall. The insult consisted of calling him a suicidal manic, as if he didn’t know that. 

The taste of iron began filling his mouth after he had bitten his tongue too hard. Not like it mattered, Eren had a titan power so he’d be healed in no time. 

Just that, he didn’t want it to be healed, he wanted to be reminded of his onesided feelings. Rather than trying to act on them, he’d be reminded to not to. 

With a bitter sigh, he stumbled into his room, neglecting to take his filthy clothes off. Eren’s room was practically empty, only the needed furnitures were there. Eren preferred this anyway, better than having people clean up after his mess if he ever died. 

But the distant voice of Levi had rumbled in his head right after he fell to the bed, the gentle yet controlling voice was telling him to take his filthy clothes at this instant. The voice hadn’t ever failed to make him giddy on the inside, but for this once, he didn’t want to listen. 

After Eren swatted at the thin air, the voice disappeared entirely as if it sensed his anger. Levi’s voice faded into faint buzzing and Eren wasn’t sure if he should feel disappointed or sad. But as he was pulled into an uncomfortable silence, he had begun to notice the nail marks on his hands. 

The nail marks were engraved into his very hands, they were still brightly red as if they were there to remind him of his mistake. 

Goodbye, Levi. 

**

If Eren wasn’t gravely reminded of his sins, he’d be trying to take a whiff from Levi, the colognes Levi used were different and frankly unique. They were not the common cologne that the army gave as gifts, they had their own scents. 

His personal favorite was the pine trees in the mid of winter, the cologne had made Eren float right behind Levi. The smell reminded him of his own home, well, former home. 

But since he was conflicted by his sins, he’d deliberately avoided Levi, he told himself that it was purely for his own good. Even if his heart broke into several pieces, even if he sobbed into his pillow every night alone, even if he had refused to eat. Eren still stubbornly stayed away from Levi, being stubborn was one of his strong traits anyway. 

After a straight week of avoiding Levi, Eren was stumbling along the castle’s walls, he was lost in his own mind. Ever since he had joined up with the scouts, he hadn’t never been away from Levi for so long. His entire body begged him to turn around and run to Levi’s office, to see him, to engulf him in an embrace. 

Only to be pushed down as Eren turned a corner. 

Eren’s stomach churned painfully, he hadn’t eaten in so long. At first, nobody noticed him neglecting his food, Eren was grateful for that. But after two days of not eating, other people including his best friends tried to feed him food, but he had refused them all. Eren didn’t want to eat, not just yet. 

Eren felt like if he even attempted to eat, he’d just retch it all back up. 

The event that had happened over a week ago still weighed heavily in Eren’s head, every night since was plagued by nightmares. The nightmares were vivid enough that he could taste the iron in the air from the blood that was lost from the fallen comrades, he could smell the titans’ foul scent, he could hear the screaming and crying. The feelings had followed him from the nightmares and into the real world. 

Once being sleep - deprived had made it clear in the black bags sagging under his eyes, he was called to go into Levi’s office by one of the rookies. 

The said rookie had his head bowed, his hands clasped tightly at his sides. The minty cloak was hanging off his neck as he awaited for Eren’s response. Eren couldn’t get any words out, his insides simply twisted at the thought of speaking, so he simply grunted. 

The rookie didn’t even give Eren any time to say anything more before turning around and running down the hall. 

Hah, is it because I’m a titan shifter or am I too far gone? Eren bitterly thought as he continued to watch the rookie. But once the rookie turned around a corner and was out of his sight, Eren rubbed his stomach as he finally turned around. His stomach rumbled under his hand and he sighed. Eren was hungry, just that he couldn't eat right now. 

However, the starvation was pushed deep low as Eren took a step towards Levi’s office. Every step that he took was heavy, he was too tired.


	2. A start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks and a long due convo between Levi and Eren!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not delievering a new chapter sooner!!!

After a prolonged walk, longer than expected due to Eren dragging his feet, he had finally gotten to Levi’s office. The brown door was right in front of him, yet he made no moves to open the door. He was afraid of this being one of his nightmares. 

His nightmares had been getting worse by day, he was becoming dissociative, couldn’t tell the differences between the line anymore. He would literally walk down the hallway, lost to the world if nobody stopped him. It was that bad. 

Armin was assigned to overlook him at night, not like Armin was complaining anyway. As genius he was, he’d find any time to chatter Eren’s ear off about the maps and charts he had done earlier that day. The only reasoning behind that was to ‘punish’ Eren, it wasn’t a horrid punishment or anything.

Just that Armin wanted to scold Eren, but in his own way. And Eren was thankful for that. He’d find anything to keep himself distracted from falling asleep. He didn’t want to fall asleep and begin the cycle over again. 

The cycle was him watching all of his friends dying by the titans, by the Marleyans, and by the rest of the world. Eren knew how fucked the rest of the world was really, and he hated them. But that didn’t stop them from entering into his nightmares and making them foul.

Granted the fact that he had been having nightmares since weeks, he couldn't really separate reality from nightmares anymore. And that had led to some mistakes on his part. Such like punching the daylights out of Jean. Eren was lost in one of his ‘delusions’, as what Armin called them, when he pulled his arm backwards and brought it back. 

His hand made contact with Jean’s cheek with a sickening sound, the sound of Jean shouting and crashing to the ground rattled him to his very core. Sure, when he was younger, he’d jump on the opportunity to punch Jean. But not now, not after when they had finally gotten close again. 

Eren clamped his hand over his mouth as he watched Jean writhing around in pain. He had punched Jean harder than expected, and as a result of that, he was spitting out blood. White. He saw white. 

Was that a tooth?

Eren internally cursed, he fucked up. A big time. 

His nightmares had gotten the best of him, and he was absolutely screwed if his bosses got wind of this. Especially Levi. who knows what that man would do to him if he found out that he hadn’t been the obedient soldier he was supposed to be. Well, not like he had been the most obedient soldier anyway. 

But he was kicked in the face. Twice. By Levi when he was being reckless and endangering people around him. He deserved them anyway, hell, he thought that he should be kicked harder. Since his idea of becoming an undercover spy at Marley had led to Sasha’s death. 

Even if Connie and Jean said that they had moved on and were cool with Eren, Eren still saw the hatred in their eyes. Eren might be the suicidal maniacal as called by Jean but he still had some common sense to tell enough that everyone was afraid of him. Well, almost everyone. 

Only one still treated him as Eren, as a human, was Levi. 

And Eren was extra thankful for that. He had enough of scurrying around because people were scared of him and couldn’t bear standing in the same room as him for a second longer. He had enough deaths. Enough of fighting. 

He only wanted freedom. 

And Levi gave that to him. 

So with a final breath, he reached out to grip the silver doorknob in his hand. The doorknob was heavy, but full of calluses, it had been there for years. He was relieved for that, to have some normalcy from his younger years. 

After a moment of staring down at the doorknob, he finally turned it. A clack sounded and the door creaked slowly. So slowly that Eren actually considered an escape. He didn’t want to see Levi just yet, afraid of everything. Afraid of him leaving Eren behind after seeing him. 

But once the door slammed on its hinges, Eren looked up and met with grey. 

**

“Care to explain to me the reason why you’re so late?” Levi spoke, his grey eyes never leaving the papers in front of him. A stoic facial expression still presented on his face, but the wrinkles around his eyes lessened. 

A good day. 

Levi was having a good day for once. 

“Sorry sir, I got lost?” fuck, Eren sounded unsure of himself. If it was about anyone else, literally anyone else, Eren would just tell Levi that he’d been dreaming about someone. Not like Levi would care, but in this case, all of his dreams had been about him. 

And he’d rather not tell Levi. 

“Are you lying to me, Jaeger?” Grey eyes were on his, analyzing him. Levi had his right eyebrow slightly angled up, his mouth in an everlasting firm line. Levi didn’t believe him, he was smarter than that. But now Eren had to come up with some passable excuse for Levi to accept.

“Yes sir, I apologize,” Eren began as Levi arranged himself to sit straighter. His right leg came up to rest on his left knee as Levi looked up at him again. The piercing grey eyes hadn’t gotten any easier to stare at, they were heavy, full of grief from many lost ones. 

So after being lost in the grey eyes for a moment, Eren finally found his voice and spoke again. 

“I was actually wandering along the hallways because I still find myself at loss from my nightmares,” Eren told the truth, the truth that he had been retaining from everyone else. Simple few sentences had made a huge difference on his shoulders, his shoulders miraculously lighter than in past few weeks. 

“That’s all?” Levi’s eyebrows disappeared under stray tendrils of pitch black hair, the wrinkles around his eyes deepened and Eren felt a pang in his chest at that. It’s not like he wanted Levi to be stressed out, it was quite opposite. 

Eren nodded, not wanting to show his cracked voice. Levi’s grey eyes narrowed as he studied Eren’s face, perhaps to find any signs of lying. But Eren wasn’t going to lie, it was fucking nerve wrecking. But after studying his face for a good minute, Levi obviously gave up as he sighed while leaning back in his chair. The chair creaked under the sudden weight but Levi didn’t notice. 

“Are you being serious, Jaeger?” Levi kept his piercing grey eyes on his while crossing his arms over his chest. His chest. The muscular but small chest that he’d do anything to even get a glimpse. Eren could go on forever about his captain’s powerful statue, but he couldn’t really do that right now. Not when he was currently having the said person’s eyes on his, waiting for his answer. 

Eren let out a small meep as Levi clicked his tongue. Great, Eren, you just had to go and fuck it up. Eren had been like this for weeks now, just blaming everything on himself. Granted that he was basically responsible for the Scouts’ annihilation and Sasha’s death. He wasn’t truly expecting her death, the way how Connie came into that room was devastating for him. 

He expected it way before Connie even opened his mouth. Eren just could tell from his facial expression, he had it often himself. It was one of despair and sorrow. 

Eren’s heart hammered against his ribs as he took a deep breath. The breath was refreshing, he had forgotten to actually breathe. With all of the ruckus that had been going on at Paradis, he hadn’t found time to truly relax. So with enough courage, he finally met Levi’s narrowed grey eyes and spoke, 

“Yes, Captain, I’m being serious.” 

Levi finally broke the eye contact that was stabilized for so long, and Eren was unsure to feel relieved or hurt. But it wasn’t like Levi was required to keep the eye contact with him anyway. How could he? To be able to keep eye contact with someone knowingly of all chaos they’d caused single handedly had to be fucking hard. Eren knew that he wouldn’t be even able to do it himself. 

Eren’s green eyes drifted to his brown bots, waiting for Levi to kick him out or banish him from the Scouts. Eren didn’t want that, of course, but for his close ones’ safety, he’d do anything. But once Levi spoke up, Eren’s head snapped forward. 

“Take a seat please,” Levi beckoned to one of the wood seats in the far corner of his office. Eren didn’t lose any time getting to the chair and dragging it over to where Levi was sitting at. Once the chair was settled, Eren took his seat and clasped his hands in his laps. 

“Okay, so what’s up with the..” Levi waved his hand around in a circle motion, asking Eren to fill in the blank. Eren quickly got what Levi was trying to ask and immediately filled in, “Nightmares?” 

Levi nodded. 

“They've been a nuisance to me lately, but you don’t really have to worry about them,” Eren sighed as he rose his hand upwards and waved it around in a dismissive manner, half hoping that Levi would let it pass or something. But honestly, Eren knew that Levi would persist until he had the answer. And that was just a part of his charisma. 

“Eren, you know that you can talk to me.”


End file.
